Always and Forever
by firexdancer
Summary: Two glimpses of Bella after being left by Edward. The first one is based slightly on the song My Immortal by Evanescence. first fanfic so I'm not sure how it'll turn out. Rated T for some mild cursing.
1. My Immortal

**This is my first story on here so I just hope it's good. :) please review and tell me what you think. flames are welcome. lol. firexdancer**

I sat on the couch for maybe ten minutes or so after hearing the door slam behind him. I could have sat there the rest of the day, just staring at the blank television in front of me now that Charlie was gone and wouldn't bother me any more about not doing anything. But, he had just given the keys to my car back and proclaimed that I was able to drive it so maybe I should... It seems like forever since I had driven, not since He le... I doubled over, wrapping my arms around myself as I gasped. No. I was not. Not going to think about That. No way. I shook my head a few times, trying to clear it of painful thoughts. I got up slowly, but on impulse, for I felt like I had to move from that spot. It had betrayed me, reminding me of things I did not want to be reminded of. My arms clutched tighter to my sides and I had to tell them to let go so that I could get my jacket and keys from the hook on the wall. It was hard to move, the air seemed thick, and I walked slowly, sluggishly, to the door. I shivered, the air outside was colder than I expected, it was good that I had brought the jacket. I went up to my car and sat inside it for a minute, trying to remember how it felt to drive again. After just sitting there for awhile though, I realized how cold it was again. I figured that I would have to turn on the car eventually, so I might as well now since it had a heater. I moved to put the keys in the starter, how weird. My hand was shaking, as if it was warring with the rest of my body, fighting so as to not touch the inside of the car. But I won. The truck may have been old, but it was still alive, and I woke up a little, listening to it start again, my mind blanking out of it's lethargic mode.

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_because your presence still lingers here_

_and it won't leave me alone_

I was breathless, my hands feverishly working their way around my head, as if to force the music out of my ears. Get away. Leave! I huddled in the front seat, shielding myself from the lyrics that I had heard so many times, listened to with someone... Stop it Bella! Stop!!! Stop it! Please! I was pleading now, I couldn't stand to hear this song. I used to love it... not anymore. Not when hearing it felt like I was listening to a song about myself. It just wasn't fair...not fair at all. But life was the opposite of fair wasn't it.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_this pain is just too real_

_there's just too much that time cannot erase _

_when you cried I'd wipe away all of your..._

The music stopped, my hand managing somehow to yank the key out of the car. But I continued to sit there, shaking. Finally after a few more minutes I relaxed and uncurled myself from the tight ball I had gotten into. My face was wet for some reason; my eyes blurry and they felt swollen. Why would it be wet? There was no reason for me to cry! None at all. So why was there saltwater still running down my face, mixing in with the blood caused from the gash on my lips where I had bitten them. Why? I didn't want to think about it, no... I wouldn't think about it. However, the music had reminded me of something. The stereo. A present I had gotten for my birthday from... Them. The very thought of it tainted my mind, and my body was itching to run. But then I would just have to get back in the car again later, Charlie expected me to drive myself to school again now. Still, I couldn't sit in here again with it... I had to make it dissappear. Somehow. I looked around the car, trying to see if there was any sort of tool I could use to extract it from the dashboard. There wasn't. I looked at the house. I had to get it out. Soon. Now.

I stood in the kitchen, swaying side to side, feeling as if I was about to throw up. My arms were once again wrapped around me. Ouch. My hands...they throbbed, each feeling like a beating heart. I looked down at them, immediately wishing I hadn't. I remembered why I felt nauseous. Blood. Calm down Bella, there was barely any of it... but still...there was definitely some. My hands looked like they had been hit by a train. Beat up. I tried ignoring it, surprisingly it helped to think of it as spaghetti sauce. I looked down at my hands again, my stomach lurching suddenly. It didn't help that much. I ran the tap water over them, staring disbelievingly at them when they started hurting even more. Who knew they were so sensitive? After bandaging them with gauze and tape ran to the bathroom. Whatever I had eaten this morning got flushed down the toilet, along with a bunch of stomach acid. What had I eaten this morning? Funny... I couldn't remember... I'm sure I ate though. I lay in my bed still thinking about it, I'm too much of a coward to go back down and sit in the car again. I'll drive it tomorrow. I turned over and curled into the position I sleep in. Well I sleep like this now anyway. I never used to hug myself while I sleep, that only started when... Why did all of my thoughts have to return to That?! The thought was hazy in my mind, but as I drifted off deeper into sleep I could somehow hear the song clearly...

_You used to captivate me_

_by your resonating light_

_but now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

How deppressing. Where I had used to love listening to this song, marveling in it's beauty and sadness, I could now relate completely to it. I could feel the tears trickling down my cheeks once again, the second time I had cried in a day. Maybe it meant that I could once again feel, that I was no longer a robot as I had been for the past month, incapable of feelings. Should I be welcoming these tears? Because I don't want to come back to life... I liked being sheltered in my little shell that I had built up around myself... I'd rather be alone and numb... than be sad again.

I slept dreamlessly; except for the one time where I swear I saw Him sit beside me on my bed and stroke my hair. Why did my mind have to tempt me with such beautiful images? I heard his voice, echoing in me like a bell. He said: "Bells, no matter what, I will always be here. Always and forever" I smiled. So beautiful.

_...but you still have all of me..._


	2. His Bella

**Jacob POV**

"Bells? Bella where are you?" I looked around to see the two motorcycles. No Bella. Dammit. I had told her to wait! What was she thinking?! I muttered her name over and over again as I searched for her scent. Aha. Found it! It would have been impossible not to find it though, I could track Bella even in my sleep; her smell... her essence was that strong to me. Shit. I couldn't get distracted from what I was doing. I followed her trail, a collection of crushed grass and broken branches. The chuckle escaped me as I thought of her, tripping on each tiny twig as she made her way to the cliff. Why was she going to the cliff anyway? A mental image appeared in my mind of Bella, her legs dangling off the edge of the cliff, smiling happily at me. I tried not to remind myself that Bella never smiled that happily... not anymore. But my wistful thought was crushed anyway.

I stood there in shock. There she was, Bella. My Bella. She was standing on the edge of the cliff. Her gorgeous hair flowed back behind her, along with her luscious scent. But something was wrong. She was so beautiful, poised on the edge, her arms stretching away from her, like a bird right when it's about to fly. She bent her knees, and sprung into the air, her momentum twisting her around for a second before...she fell. The world got so slow all of a sudden. I saw her lips move, but even my hearing couldn't pick up what she said except for one word. It came so sweetly from her mouth, a blessing, a declaration. You could see the care, the devotion she still had. I hit my hand into the nearest tree, trying to block out my thoughts. "Edward" Why? How? How can she still say His name after all he's done to her? If anything, she should be saying my name! Mine! She's my Bella. No she isn't. Stupid conscience. She'll always be his Bella. No. She will be mine, soon, someday she'll be all mine. Oneday she will no longer be tortured by his very image, his name. I couldn't stand to see her suffer any longer. My Bella. I ran and jumped off the cliff after her. For a moment, I felt like I was a bird, and that my wings would shoot out any minute now. But then I'd never get to her in time.

Dammit Bella. Why'd you have to jump off the cliff? Why couldn't you have waited another minute? Where are you!? I searched desperately, finally catching a glimpse of chocolate colored hair gliding slowly downwards. Oh no. It was easy to swim down to her, and I lifted her to the surface, desperate for everything to be okay. Bella. She looked so serene, lying there in my arms, so sad and yet so...happy. She was smiling. "Wake up Bella! Please!" She coughed, and vomited a huge amount of water onto me. But I didn't care, I was happy that she was alive. I almost laughed out loud as her eyes slowly opened. But the impulse was soon dashed from my mind. "Edward" It was only a whisper, a slight outtake of breath from her lungs, but I still heard it clearly. His Bella.


End file.
